Rebirth - fuck yes.
A year ago, my personal life had blown up by way of 20 year friendships gone awry - an unfortunate incident led me to saying goodbye to friends I thought I’d have to my grave.
I kicked it off in classic, immature, non-confrontational style…via a text message (leading with fear). This was a poor decision, I own that. But, the message was nonetheless true in that many different instances had led to my realization that I’d have to say “later gators”. Many may read this post as me thinking I ascended to a place that was “better” than my old buddies - this isn’t true; however, if I didn’t choose myself, then I wouldn’t have made the beautiful transition to this new person that was meant for a better life in this world.
Is there anything wrong with the way they, and now me are navigating our respected lives - no. Do I believe that people are in our lives for a reason and season at times? Yes. I met these incredible women when I entered college - my former “soulmate”, I met when I fell walking up a hill and we realized we were next door neighbors in the dorms. It was magical! I was leaving my parents’ home which had been tumultuous at best, my family was emotionally and mentally unavailable and often times, abusive. I was desperate for exploration, for unlearning, for freedom to find out who I am supposed to be in this world.
These women gave me protection, safety, and FUN. We had the best time of our lives for 5 years and it carried on up until last year. We saw each other through everything - marriages, children, illness, etc. - we were each other’s ride or dies.
Something began to change in me around 5 years ago in which I was stirring or “waking up” to the world around me that helped me to identify what I needed/wanted, and how I had been shaped by life thus far. So much was missing - I was in a corporate role that didn’t fulfill me, I had a home, a great husband, and great pups to love…so much was missing.
It wasn’t until I had the opportunity to lead the women’s empowerment group at my corporate job that I realized what I was put here to do - to tell the truth and to heal. This realization began to dramatically impact the relationships around me, those who benefitted from my lack of boundaries including these friends in particular, and my family.
It’s been a rough road to 40, I feel like that scene in Twilight when the wolves started transforming younger and faster - that was me, I was like a fish out of water, uncomfortable with everything around me.
I believe that the universe was clearing a path for me to get to where I am today, which included clearing these particular friends from my life. I could have handled it differently, but the outcome would have been the same. I would not have been able to continue as it was. I was changing, upgrading my soul. Today I feel damn good.
I thank these women for our season together, it was amazing. If we have another season in us, that’s great, but if not, we were meant to be in the space and time we were in. I trust that.
Critical, game changing advice - trust that the universe will clear a path for you - it will hurt like hell but trust it and allow it to happen. The longer you fight it, the harder it will hurt. Trust that your soul is navigating you back to your highest self.
You’ve got this.
